Sakura paring gone bad
by fangirl1993
Summary: This is about Naruto's son asking about Sakura years later. Tells the story of all of her relationships going bad. This is for people who hate Sakura. So funny.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

SakuraxTusanda, SakuraxNaruto, SakuraxIno, SakuraxAnko, SakuraxNeji, SakuraxItachi, SakuraxKiba, SakuraxSasuke by sweep14, SakuraxGaara by ZodiacStarrs, SakuraxOroichmaru? SakuraxPein? SakuraxKyuubi? by Lady Maybelle of Confusion, SakuraxKakashi by MissNatalieMurder, SakuraxLee by Ponadis, SakuraxSasame by Who were the Precursors, SakuraxDeidaraItachiNeji by Clairesa-chan, SakuraxAkatsuki by Kayamie1224, SakuraxSasori by BlackElement7, SakuraxTobi by Gaaraluvababe, SakuraxKarin by tonot

**Author's input: Here are some of the pairings I will be talking about. On the side of the parings put who it is by so people will know where I got the parings from. I had no idea that Sakura was paired up with this many people. This is also for all those people who hate Sakura and if you like her then I hope this will be funny enough for you. So here is the story. I hope you like it.**

"Hey Naruto who is that girl in the pink hair?" asked his son.

"Oh her," Naruto said looking at the picture of him and his teammates.

"Yeah," his son said egarly.

"You really want to know?" Hinata asked frightened of his answer.

"Yeah," his son said.

"Kenji I don't know. You a bit to young," Naruto said.

"Come on dad. I'm 20. I'm not a month old anymore," Kenji complained.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Let's wait until everyone comes. Then they can help me tell you."

Later on that night most of the people that Naruto and Hinata new came to here sort of big house.

Everyone greeted each other with warm welcom while Kenji was sitting down waiting for everyone to settle down.

"How come your not saying hello to everyone?" Konahamaru asked.

Konahamaru was Kenij's sensai. "I'm waiting for everyone to settle down. Plus it's not like I see them everyday."

"That's ture," Konahamru laughed.

Soon everyone saw that Kenji was siting by himself not saying a word to everyone but his sensai.

"Hey what's wrong Kenji?" Ino asked.

"If you all settled down then I'll tell you," Kenji said irriatated.

An hour later everyone settled down and Naruto spoke up. "I know that you are all wondering why my son isn't saying anything. Well...he," Naruto tried to say.

"I want to know who she is," Kenji snapped bring out a big picture of the pink haired girl out to show everyone.

Everyone screamed as they saw her except Naruto and Hinata. Hinata found a lot of pictures of her all over his house when they moved out of his appartment. She was use to it even though the stories of her wasn't all that great.

"Why the hell would you want to know about her?" Sasuke said hiding behind his chair.

"Yeah," Ino said.

"Well I've seen her pictures a lot and no one has told me. So I want to know," Kenji said.

"Are you sure?" everyone asked.

Kenji just nodded. Everyone's heads turned to Naruto and Hinata. "If he wants to know. Then fine. But I'm not going first."

"I can't believe your going to tourcher our only son," Hinata said sadly.

"MOM I'M NOT A BABY ANYMORE. I MOVED OUT OF THE HOSUE LIKE TWO YEARS AGO GET OVER IT!!!!!," Kenji yelled.

"Fine," Orochimaru said from behind them.

Everyone snapped up when they heard this voice.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"Hey didn't I kill you?" Sasuke asked.

"No I killed him," Itachi's voice said.

Behind Orochimaru Itachi came out.

"WHAT THE-" Sasuke said.

"Were ghost bro," Itachi said folding his arms.

Soon more spirits came. All of the Akasuki's, Pein, and the Kyuubi all came out from the woods.

"Okay," Kenji said.

"I'll go first since I was the first one," Orochimaru grumbled.


	2. OrochimarxSakura

Chapter 2: OrochimarxSakura

_It happend back when your dad was a teenager, _Orochimaru started off. _I was going to the village to see if I could get Sasuke from them. That is when I meet her._

25 years ago Orochimaru walked toward the leaf village in his sound ninja disguise. When he entered the village he saw that no one noticed him.

_This will be easier then I thought, _Orochimaru thought.

He started to walk down the village road. Life was to peacful for his taste so he left the busy street and went off to the place where he use to train. He went to where his sensai tied up Jiyriya on the pole.

When he came out into the clearing he saw a pink haired girl. She was sitting on one of the cut off logs looking at the sun. Her long hair went with the wind.

_Who is that? _Orochimaru asked himself.

He went closer and the girl didn't notice him. Slowly by slowly he came closer. When he was just an inch away from her she turned around.

"Hi there," she said a bit shocked.

"Hello," Orochimaru said nicely.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just visiting the village for reasons not shared with you," Orochimaru said. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't say who you were," Sakura smirked.

"Sorry. My bad," he said scratching his head. "Joe."

"Well I'm here to train," Sakura said turning her head.

He started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she snapped.

"If you training then why are you sitting on you bumb," he laughed.

She gave him the stink eye.

"Well I had better go," Orochimaru said leaving.

"Wait," she said standing up.

Orochimaru stopped.

"Could you train me?" Sakura asked. "I'm really lonely and I would like it if someone would train me."

Orochimaru thought about it. _I guess so since I'll be here for a while._

"Sure," Orochimaru said turning around and smiling.

XxXxXxXx

A month passed and the girl with the pink hair, named Sakura, wasn't getting a lot better. Orochimaru started to get really fustrated. _That was the night that I wished I hadn't meet her, _Orochimaru narrirated.

"Stand straight and stay strong," Orochimaru ordered.

"Yes," Sakura said shyly.

Orochimaru ran toward her and tried to attack her but she fell tripping him. He slowly got up and shook the dirt from his head.

"Sorry, sensai," Sakura apoligized looking at him.

Orochimaru glared at her. While he glared she started to blush and turned her head.

_What is wrong with this girl? _Orochimaru thought.

He slowly got up but she wrapped her arms around his neck pulled him closer to her.

"What?" he said as she pulled him down.

She rolled on top of him so he could be on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Orochimaru snapped.

"Look sensai. I have been feeling very strangly around you. I just don't know why," she said.

_Shoot. She figured me out. At least I get to kill her, _he thought.

"I know why you would help me train and why you are so willing to touch me," Sakrua said suductivly.

Orochimaru looked at her confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't care if you from a diffrent village. I can work it out. Me and you can be together for ever," Sakura smiled.

Now Orochimaru was really confused. He pushed her off and quickly stood up. "Look I seriously have no idea what you are talking about."

"Your in love with me," Sakura said pushing him gently against the wood.

"WHAT?!!!!" Orochimaru said.

"I know you are," Sakura said. She stood on her tip toes and reached for his lips. Orochimaru was to scared to move away. Her lips came up agains his. As soon as he had the strength he pushed her away.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!!" Orochimaru said as he spittled out the exchanged saliva.

"I thought you loved me," Sakura said standing up.

"No. I have a man back home. His name is Kabuto," Orochimaru said blushing.

Sakura went wide eye. "YOUR GAY!!!!"

Orochimaru nodded. "I'll have another man in my home soon when I get him," Orochimaru vowed.

"Crap I kissed a gay man," Sakrua said running around.

"Well I have to go. My men are waiting for me," Orochimaru said leaving her.

"SCREW YOU, YOU GAY BALL. DON'T TELL ANYONE OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU," Sakura said.

XxXxXxXx

"That is the story," Orochimaru said.

"Oh Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said.

"Wait so you are gay?" Kenji asked.

Orochimaru nodded.

"Wow. I feel bad for you guys," Kenji said pointing to the Akasuki and Sasuke.

"I'm glad he didn't hide on us," the Aksuki said.

"I hate you guys," Sasuke said.

"So do you want them to contine," Naruto said behind Hinata.

"Come on dad. His story isn't that bad. I walked in the room when you and mom were doing serious stuff when I was only four. I have seen a lot more scaring things then hearing that Orochimaru is gay," Kenji said folding his arms. "Plus Ino told me he was gay too."

"I'm just glad I wasn't the first one," Ino said still behind the chair.

Kenji rolled his eyes. "So who is next?"

"Me," Sasuke said rasing his hand. He slowly went around his seat and sat on it.

"This should be good," Kenji said sarcasticly.


	3. SasukexSakura

Chapter 3: SasukexSakura

_It all started after Chunin exams and I was slowly training, _Sasuke narrirated.

Sasuke was walking down from his training to his house one night. He was happy that Naruto and other annoying people weren't around him. He walked near a BQ hut.

The smell made his tummy shout "Take Mr. Tummy in there."

He looked at his stomach to be suprised it actually spoke. "I have got to stop watching those Chowder shows," Sasuke complained.

He walked in and saw that Sakura was there. As soon as he saw her he tried his best to make a fast u turn.

"Hey Sasuke," Sakura said before he got out.

"Hey Sakura. I didn't see you there," Sasuke grunted.

"Come on and have seat," Sakura said.

"No I was on my way out," Sasuke said pointing to the door behind him. "Besides I already ate.

"No you didn't," Sasuke's stomach protested.

"Was that your stomach?" Sakura questioned.

"Sweet. So I'm not hearing things," Sasuke said amazed.

"Well your stomach is as loud as my hormones," Sakura slipped out.

Sasuke went wide eyed. "Okay. I'm just going to go." As soon as he got out of the restraunt he hightailed to his appartement.

With the slamming of the door he breathed hard leaning on it.

"Man I just hope that she won't come near me," Sasuke begged.

XxXxXxXx

Sasuke was fast asleep. He had a peaceful dream killing his brother and being supieor over everyone. He tightened his grip on his fist and started to hit his pillow like it was Itachi.

As he slept peacefully someone lightly knocked on his door.

Sasuke slowly got up with some druel on his face. "Just a mintue," he said sounding drunk.

"Come to me," said a suductive voice.

Sauske looked at his door confused. "Um..who is that?"

"The speaking hormones," the voice said agian.

Sasuke went wide eye. "No. Not Sakura."

The door started to slam. Sasuke slowly stepped back away from his door.

The door finally slammed open. In the door way was a silohete of someone with long hair and what looked like an open robe.

**Author's Input: The following will not be described for horror will come to mind.**

Sasuke saw what he shouldn't have seen. As Sakura came closer he was trying to find some excape. As Sakura closed in on him he shouted, "SOMEONE HELP ME."

As soon as he screamed Sakura fell over. As soon as she did he screamed out of his room all the way to the Hokage's office.

"LADY TSUNADE!!!!" Sasuke screamed baging on the door to get into the building.

The door slowly opened and showed a sleepy Tsunade. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING," Tsunade screamed.

"GET SAKURA'S HORMONES CONTROLED. SHE ALMOST RAPPED ME," Sasuke screamed scared. "And I saw way to much," Sasuke said shaking.

Tsunade looked at him shocked. She ran up to her office and called all ANBU. "I want you guys to get Sakura in here as soon as possible," she ordered.

The ANBU nodded and were gone.

XxXxXxXxXx

_I was finally able to sleep for the past few months but I had to make sure I had a kunai knife under my pillow and a few bell traps just so someone can hear me, _Sasuke narrirated.

A few months later Sasuke was walking down the road of a nice sunny day. He walked into the BQ restrant and saw Sakura there. He quickly turned but Sakura used a shadow clone to stop him.

"Sasuke why?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"Why...WHY DID YOU MAKE LADY TSUNADE TAKE ALL MY HORMONES AWAY," Sakura screamed.

"WELL BECAUSE YOU ALMOST RAPPED ME," Sasuke said.

"Well I wanted to have your baby," Sakura said.

"IF YOU HAD MY BABY THEN I WOULD KILL MYSELF," Sasuke said. "Don't you ever come near me again. I'm glad they took your hormones away."

"I would have gotten away with having your baby if it weren't for those medaling kids," Sakura said.

For some random reason the Scooby Doo crew were in the background and saw the converstation.

"We should be in a children's show. Not some f***in dumba** show," Scooby said.

"You said it man," Fredy.

"Come on Fred let's leave them and have some fun tonight," Velma said.

"Hey das my girl you faget," Scooby said.

"Well at least I got this ho right here," Shagy said drunk.

Dafani was kissing Shagy's neck.

"Okay. Someone get these guys out of here please," Sasuke said descgusted.

"Yeah. She is making me jelous. I want to kiss Sasuke's neck," Sakura complained.

As soon as the guards from the reastraunt got a hold of the gang Sasuke ran back to his appartment and locked his door with all of the worlds locks.

XxXxXxXxXx

"That's what happened," Sasuke said pale.

As everyone looked at him sadly Kenji sarted to roll in laughter.

"That isn't funny," Sasuke said.

"Yes it is. You screamed like a little girl," Kenji laughed.

"You would too," Sasuke said folding his arms.

"By the way Ino. How do you take hormones out of someone?" Kenji asked.

Everyone looked at Ino.

"I don't know," Ino snapped. "But I think they must have regrown since I was the next victum."

Creepy music in the background.


	4. InoxSakura

Chapter 4: InoxSakura

_It all started when I was going to the flower field, _Ino narrirated.

Ino was walking toward her family flower feild with basket in her hand will all of her tools. She loved working at the shop and giving love advise to people. She wished she could have a love life with Sasuke.

As she came to the gate of the flower feild she heard someone say, "Hey Ino wait up."

She hated who just called her. It was Sakura. She was her x-friend and most biggest rival when it came to Sasuke. "What do you want?" she asked turning to her.

"I just wanted to help you get some flowers. Lady Tsuande wanted me to get some for her office," Sakura explained.

"Whatever. Just don't bother me," Ino said opening the gate.

She walked inside and they went to work. Ino took in all of the smells that had surrounded her as she worked. Sakura just watched her as she gently took out the flowers. Ino could feel the eyes on her back and started to get really irritated.

"What are you looking at?" Ino grumbbled.

"I'm watching you pick the flowers. I need to know how so I can get Lady Tsunade some," Sakura said.

"Whatever," Ino rolled her eyes. As she worked she remembered something. "Hey Sakura is it true that you almost rapped Sasuke?"

"I did. Why are you jelaous," Sakura asked.

"No. That is just so cruel and wrong," Ino snapped. "How would you like to get rapped?"

"I would actually let any man touch me," Sakura said wrapping her arms around herself.

"Your a sick slutty whore you know that right," Ino snapped. "To think that I was friends with you."

Ino took her basket and some of the flowers that she picked and stroed off.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

A few days passed and Ino didn't see Sakura anywhere. _I hope she left the village. She is starting to get on everyone's nerves, _Ino thoght. When she got to the shop she found a white rose of the ground. She picked it up and saw that there was a love note tied to it. It said:

_I really love watching you do the things that you do. I had no idea that I love you this much. I will bring roses here everyday just to make your day_

She looked at the note a dozen times. She wondered who it might be. "It must be Sasuke," Ino fantized.

She opened the shop and started to imagine Sasuke putting a rose near the door. She could imagine catching him and how he would confess his love.

"Excuse me ma'am," said a man.

Ino shook her head from her imagination and started wrapping the flowers with newspapers.

_Tonight I'll catch my secret admierer, Sasuke, _Ino thought.

XxXxXxXx

Later that night Ino watched from behind a wall watching the door to the flower shop. She had been there since she closed it at 8:00. It was already 1 in the morning and she was getting really impatient with the person.

"Come on and get here Sasuke."

Soon after she said that a person with a black cloak came to the front of the flower shop. Out from the cloak the person's hand came out with a white rose and a note on it.

"Okay. Just go up and kiss him," Ino whispered to herself.

Ino ran up and turned the black cloaked person and kissed the person. She was enchaned by the kiss. She realased the person and said, "Sasuke that was the best kiss ever."

"Thanks Ino," Sakura answered.

Ino looked. She screamed at the top of her lungs. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm your lover," Sakura answered. "Kiss me again."

"No," Ino said running away from her.

"But I thought you loved me," Sakura said crying.

"I don't. I love Sasuke," Ino snapped. "Plus I'm not a lezbian."

"Fine. I guess were over," Sakura snapped.

"We were never together," Ino snapped.

"Well then why did you kiss me?" Sakura said.

"I thought that was hot," Sasuke said out of the blue.

Ino and Sakura looked at Sasuke.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!," Ino screamed.

_No he saw. Know I'll be lezbian of the month where as Sakura will get an award until she is dead, _Ino thought.

XxXxXxXx

"That is what happed," Ino said.

"Sasuke you thought that was hot?" Kenji asked.

"What? It was," Sasuke said behind his chair.

"Why don't you get out from behind the chair?" Kenji said.

"Because. It is bad enough that we are talking about her. I don't want her to suddenly come up. So who is next?" Sasuke asked.


	5. ItachixSakuraxKisame

Chapter 5: xSakura

"Were next," Itachi and Kisame said.

"Before you start are you two gay?" Kenji asked.

"NO!!!!!" They both shouted.

"Just wondering," Kenji said.

XxXxXxXxXx

_It started when we were just going to steal Naruto as our usual jobs, _Itachi narrirated.

Itachi and Kisame stopped by one of the Leaf villages tea house.

"Let's get something to eat I'm starving," Kisame said.

"No. We have to get the Kyuubi before night fall," Itachi argued.

Kisame stared Itachi down. "Look I'm hungry. Besides no one here knows us," Kisame argued.

"They know me and everyone is after me. Even my brother," Itachi said.

"He won't find you if were in the back," Kisame said walking to the back part of the tea house.

They walked over and sat at a booth. A waiter came by and took there order. Itachi looked around while Kisame shuted his eyes and fell asleep. Itachi looked at the door and saw a girl with pink hair.

"Hello Sakura," said one of the waiterses.

"Hello. I would like a table," she said.

The waiteres guided her to the booth that was next to Kisame and Itachi. She sat down and started to order.

Itachi quickly looked away and satarted to look at the table. Kisame opened one eye and started to stare at the girl. He looked at Itachi then at her.

"Psst," Kisame said.

Itachi looked at Kisame.

He mouthed _She's mine._

Itachi rolled his eyes and mouthed, _Whatever._

"Here you go miss Sakura," the lady said.

"Thank you," she smiled.

The lady had a tray of hot tea and she walked away she slipted on a banana and the tea splatered over Itachi.

"AAHHH!!! Hot hot hot hot," Itachi danced as the tea burned through his clothes.

"I'm so sorry," the lady said. She went to touch his shoulder and he said "ow."

"Don't touch him. He has some burns," Sakura said.

"Oh," the lady said.

"Come with me. I'll heal it but we need to go somewhere," Sakura said standing up.

Itachi rolled his eyes and followed her. Kisame was hot on his heals. He whispered, "She is still mine."

XxXxXxXx

They were near a river and Itachi had his robe and shirt off. He had second degree burns on him and Sakura applied some medicine and started to heal him.

"Your lucky that wasn't oil or else it would have scared you," Sakura said.

"Whatever."

Kisame watched the two and started to get mad.

Sakura was finally done and grabbed his shirt and robe.

"Thanks," Itachi said reaching for his robe and shirt.

"You shouldn't move your arm to much. I'll put it on," Sakura said.

She started putting his shirt on really slow. Kisame started to reden with anger. As he watched he saw Itachi blush. Itachi like this feeling but it also creeped him out.

She was finally done with putting his shirt on.

"That is it," Kisame snapped.

"What?" Sakura asked.

Kisame grabbed Sakura by the hand and held her by the waist. "I like you and you sholdn't like him." He locked lips with her. Slowly Sakura closed her eyes and deepened the kiss.

As Kisame kissed her he started to turn purple.

"Kisame your turning purple," Itachi snapped.

Kisame quckily unlocked lips with her and started to spit and coughed.

"What is it?" Itachi asked.

"That was amazing. Kiss me again," Sakura said striding to him.

Kisame ran behind Itachi. "What is it?" Itachi asked.

"She is a horrible kisser and her mouth is slimer then a fish plus I think she had month year old broccoli in her mouth," Kisame said.

"Ewww," Itachi said.

"It's my mouth refresiner," Sakura said.

"Let's get out of here," Kisame snapped.

They both ran away.

XxXxXxXx

"And that's what happened," they both said.

Kenji was rolling in laughter but everyone else felt bad for the two.

"That was halarious," Kenji rolled.

"It isn't funny," Naruto snapped.

"It is to me," Kenji laughed.


End file.
